1
00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:04,135
So, who broke it?
2
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:08,674
I'm not mad,
I just want to know.
3
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:12,977
I did. I broke it, Ron.
No. No, you didn't.
4
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,980
Tom?
Don't look at me.
5
00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:16,604
Look at Ben.
6
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,116
What? I didn't break it.
7
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,846
Huh. That's weird.
How'd you even know it was broken?
8
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,889
Because it's sitting right in
front of us and it's broken.
9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,283
Suspicious.
No, it's not.
10
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,020
If it matters...
Probably not.
11
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,391
...but April was
the last one to use it.
12
00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:31,123
Liar! I don't even
drink that crap.
13
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,290
Oh, really? Then what were you
doing by the coffee cart earlier?
14
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,890
I use the wooden stirrers
to push back my cuticles.
15
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,162
Everyone knows that, Jerry.
16
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,329
Okay, let's not fight. I broke it.
Let me pay for it, Ron.
17
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,270
No. Who broke it?
18
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:45,000
Ron, Donna's been
awfully quiet.
19
00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:46,102
Really?
20
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:47,168
Yeah, really.
21
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,271
Oh, my God!
22
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:53,513
I broke it. It burned my hand,
so I punched it.
23
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,185
I predict ten
minutes from now,
24
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:57,518
they'll be at
each other's throats
25
00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:01,048
with war paint on their faces
and a pig head on a stick.
26
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:06,759
Good. It was getting a
little chummy around here.
27
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:29,548
I need you guys to come to
the Snakehole Lounge tonight
28
00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:31,886
to help me with something.
- Yeah, no, tonight's not good.
29
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,949
No can do.
I'm on a cleanse.
30
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,688
Please. This is important.
31
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:39,357
I'm launching my new high-end,
Kahlua-style liqueur,
32
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,865
Snake Juice.
33
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,801
Sounds like you took a snake
and twisted it like a rag
34
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,633
until its blood
and guts came out.
35
00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:48,633
What does
Kahlua-style mean?
36
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:49,970
I mix a bunch of
alcohol together,
37
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,170
I add some sugar and coffee
and some other junk,
38
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,610
and it kind of
tastes like Kahlua.
39
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,080
I can only drink warm tap
water with cayenne pepper.
40
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,243
Fine. Then don't drink it.
Just get other people to drink it, okay?
41
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:00,650
Meeting in one hour.
42
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,917
If you don't make it,
you're on my Done-zo list.
43
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,457
Oh, what's
a"Done-zo list"?
44
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:08,221
It means you and I
are done-zo.
45
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,595
Hanging out, getting
food together, done-zo.
46
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:13,029
You want to come over to my house
and play video games? Done-zo.
47
00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:15,294
Hey, Tom, you want to come
play Putt-Putt with me?
48
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,131
No, we're done-zo.
49
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:20,005
Babe, we got to
make that meeting.
50
00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:21,638
I'm so glad we
found the time to talk.
51
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:23,139
It feels like
it's been forever.
52
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,973
I know. I've been so
busy at the hospital.
53
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:29,037
Long hours, overnight shifts...
I'm getting sick of it.
54
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,174
All right, let's start with the
personal stuff. How's Jessie?
55
00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:33,185
Who?
The photographer guy.
56
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,721
Oh, yeah. We broke up.
I didn't tell you that?
57
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:36,811
Mmm-mmm.
58
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,686
Why? I liked him.
Yeah, I did, too.
59
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,249
I just... I couldn't
deal with his face.
60
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,316
Huh.
61
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,497
Do you think I could get that
book back that I loaned him?
62
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:47,533
Well, I'm technically
out of the country.
63
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,535
So I would have to call him
from a weird number.
64
00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:53,002
Sorry.
Never mind.
65
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,562
But I'm seeing
this new guy, Mattias.
66
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,905
You would love him.
He's a triple Pisces.
67
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:59,001
Oh-oh. Looks like someone's
gonna be late for her meeting.
68
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:00,306
Race you.
69
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,109
Really? Isn't that
a little childish?
70
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:05,308
Bye, Ann.
Sorry, got to go. Hey, move! Oh!
71
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:09,012
Councilman Howser, sorry.
Nice to see you as always.
72
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,282
Bye.
73
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,151
Welcome to
Guerilla Marketing 101.
74
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:14,720
What is Guerilla Marketing?
75
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:16,921
A few ordinary schmoes,
no offense,
76
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,590
have a casual conversation
next to some guy
77
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,293
about how great
Snake Juice is.
78
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:25,270
Next thing you know that guy orders
a whole bottle of Snake Juice,
79
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:26,669
and he has no idea why.
80
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:30,806
April, you'll be playing a boring
beer drinker named Jennifer.
81
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,335
Andy, you are also a boring
beer drinker named Michael.
82
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:37,375
Jerry, you'll be playing
a boring beer drinker.
83
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:38,644
Your name will be Jerry.
84
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:43,649
Ron is going to play our
exciting Snake Juice drinker,
85
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,588
A.K.A. Brian Thunder.
86
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:48,255
Do you want us to memorize
this whole script?
87
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,956
Ideally, but if
you want to wing it,
88
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:55,330
your talking points are
high-end, VIP, lifestyle.
89
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,126
All right, let's
run through it once.
90
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:58,727
And action!
91
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,273
"The weather has
been so weird lately.
92
00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:03,309
"Hey, let me
buy you all a drink."
93
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:06,140
"I'll take something
basic like a beer."
94
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,873
"Yeah, I'm pretty
95
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:09,707
"boring.
96
00:04:09,782 --> 00:04:11,977
"So I'll take a beer, too."
97
00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:15,987
"Not me. I want this
night to get K-razzy."
98
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:20,023
"Ca-razy." Like "crazy."
99
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,928
"I want this
night to get crazy.
100
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:28,866
"Get me a shot of Snake Juice.
I hear it has a dope aftertaste."
101
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,062
All right, that's
gonna be a cut. Um...
102
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,632
Ron, you got to say it
like you mean it.
103
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,469
I won't publicly
endorse a product
104
00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:38,669
unless I use it exclusively
and I really believe in it.
105
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:40,679
My only official
recommendations
106
00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:42,781
are U.S. Army-issued
mustache trimmers,
107
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,613
Morton Salt, and
the C.R. Laurence Fein
108
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:48,950
two-inch, axe-style scraper
oscillating knife blade.
109
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:52,756
We need to find a new PR Director
for the Health Department.
110
00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:54,190
Dennis Cooper was
fired today.
111
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:55,284
Why?
112
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,454
Short answer,
he went bananas.
113
00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:01,591
Long answer, his wife, Jan, had an
affair, gave him a venereal disease,
114
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,795
and so he put signs about her
all through City Hall.
115
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:04,894
I'm sure you've seen them.
116
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,199
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
117
00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:08,365
"Jan Cooper will
give you Chlamydia.
118
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:10,102
"Brought to you by the
Pawnee Health Department."
119
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,940
"Chlamydia affects
nearly 100% of Jan Coopers."
120
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:15,810
"The Department of Health
congratulates Jan Cooper.
121
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,179
"Miss Chlamydia."
122
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,878
"Jan, I love you.
Please come back.
123
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:22,512
"I realize that I'm
not blameless here.
124
00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:23,885
"Please.
125
00:05:25,858 --> 00:05:27,450
"Brought to you by
the Health Department."
126
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,325
"Re-elect Jan Cooper.
Mayor of Whoreville."
127
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,795
Leslie, I want you to help us
choose a replacement.
128
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:35,857
Parks and Health work closely
together on outdoor programs
129
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,562
and exercise initiatives.
Ann should do it.
130
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:38,865
Ann Perkins?
131
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:42,203
Pawnee is looking for a new PR
Director for the Health Department,
132
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,572
and I submitted your name.
133
00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,907
You have an interview
tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.
134
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,503
9:00 a.m. Wow. Yes, I know.
I couldn't get it earlier.
135
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,681
I'm...
Grateful. I know.
136
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:51,774
You can thank me later.
137
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,512
But first, you need to
go over your homework.
138
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,850
These are all
the health initiatives
139
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,286
the city has ever
undertaken since the 1960s.
140
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,451
So you need to
partially memorize that.
141
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,857
And it's gonna
be a long night,
142
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,359
so I got you
some energy drinks
143
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,897
and some chocolate-covered
espresso beans
144
00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:07,762
and the book Freedom
by Jonathan Franzen.
145
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:08,858
Why am I reading this?
146
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:09,924
Because I'm almost
done with it, Ann.
147
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:11,094
And I want to talk
to you about Patty.
148
00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,535
Okay, deep breath.
149
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,434
Okay. I've been a nurse
for over 10 years.
150
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:18,875
It's not something
you just quit.
151
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,469
I understand.
152
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,081
I just think with this new job,
you could make a difference.
153
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,981
Make real change happen.
154
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,317
Plus, we'd be working
in the same building.
155
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,186
No more lightning-round
catch-up sessions.
156
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,417
It would be nice
to have an office.
157
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,217
This is your destiny, Ann.
158
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:35,521
You don't want
to waste away
159
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:37,085
at Pawnee St. Joseph
Medical Center
160
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:38,460
and turn into her.
161
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,392
Ow!
162
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,694
Shut up.
163
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,459
And let's be honest,
it would be nice to not have
164
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:46,266
to pull strange things out
of people's butts every night.
165
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,239
You've mentioned that before.
That doesn't happen that often.
166
00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:49,934
It happened once.
Just once.
167
00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:51,834
That already is
too many times.
168
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:56,038
I hate talking to
people about things.
169
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:57,173
This is a nightmare.
170
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,342
I'm grouchy.
171
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:03,382
We have to support Tom. I don't
want to end up on that Done-zo list.
172
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,424
Think about it
as role-playing.
173
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,517
That makes it sexy.
174
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,858
That could be fun.
Really?
175
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,955
Can I use a weird voice
and try to freak people out?
176
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,522
Yes.
Okay.
177
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,092
Then next time you see me,
178
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,567
I'll be a stranger.
179
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:29,175
Hey, Tommy. I'm really hoping
this booze of yours is gonna sell,
180
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:31,716
because I am not going
to take a loss on this.
181
00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:33,715
Nothing this
delicious will fail.
182
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:36,517
We'll see.
Check back with me in a couple of hours,
183
00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:37,817
I'll let you know
how it's going.
184
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:40,552
Snake Juice! What? Here?
185
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,390
High-end, VIP, exclusive.
186
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:44,885
Hey, how's it going?
187
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:45,953
I think it's going okay.
188
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,626
People better buy this stuff,
or else I'm gonna be screwed.
189
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,191
It's gonna be fine.
People will definitely buy it.
190
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:51,293
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
191
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,304
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
"K" to the "N" to the "O-P-E,"
192
00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:57,001
she's the dopest little shorty
in all Pawnee, Indiana
193
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,475
Why didn't you
just stop at "Pawnee"?
194
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:01,707
Leslie Knope, seriously,
you get sexier every day.
195
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,180
And that is not a line.
That is for real.
196
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,876
Oh, Jean-Ralphio.
197
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,106
So you're here helping Tom?
198
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,913
Absolutely. And it's
time to get that paper.
199
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,821
Get, get, get, get,
get that paper.
200
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:14,189
Snake Juice sales are
gonna be off the "churt."
201
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,889
Why? Because that "snizz" is
straight up "dee-Ioy-cious."
202
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:19,186
Well said.
203
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:20,526
Well, I know
tonight's gonna be
204
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,033
a big success,
and I wish I could stay.
205
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,864
I really do,
but I have to go help Ann.
206
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:26,268
She's gonna be up all night
cramming for a big job interview.
207
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,533
She might be
up all night,
208
00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,302
but I think someone else is
gonna be doing the cramming.
209
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:30,774
Uh-oh.
210
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:39,673
Hey.
Hey.
211
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:40,844
I'm so happy to see you.
212
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,353
And I'm seeing you here.
213
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,116
Yes.
Yes, I'm surprised.
214
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,454
I thought maybe you'd be
home preparing for tomorrow.
215
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,721
Oh, well, there was
way too much stuff
216
00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:50,489
for me to read tonight,
anyway.
217
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:53,691
I mean, it was a ridiculous
amount of stuff that you gave me.
218
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,093
Oh.
219
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,262
But you are going in
for the interview tomorrow?
220
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:58,428
I think so.
221
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:01,896
Uh-oh.
222
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:05,509
Is there enough room for some
"man-aise" in this lady sandwich?
223
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:06,635
Oh.
224
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,771
Leslie, this is my
friend Howard Tuttleman.
225
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,975
Oh, please.
Call me "The Douche."
226
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,110
You probably know me from my
morning radio show on 93.7,
227
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,347
"Crazy Ira and The Douche."
228
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,322
Yeah, I had
met you before.
229
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,449
I actually was on
your show once...
230
00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:22,392
Wait! Were you on the show where
we had that stripper do math?
231
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:23,888
Classic, right?
232
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:31,835
Hello, strange person
who I have never met before.
233
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,201
Who are you?
234
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,636
I'm Janet Snakehole.
235
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,676
I'm a very rich widow with a
terrible secret. Who are you?
236
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,836
Bert Macklin, FBI.
237
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,106
I was the best
damn agent they had
238
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,442
until I was framed for
a crime I didn't commit.
239
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:46,284
Stealing
the President's rubies.
240
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,478
Now I work alone.
241
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:50,249
Lovely to meet you.
242
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,655
I got to admit,
I thought your costume
243
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:53,987
would maybe be
a little bit sluttier.
244
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,389
How dare you?
245
00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,222
Nice.
246
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,689
Gentlemen.
247
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,825
Swan song. How you living?
248
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,358
Yes.
249
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,064
Why aren't you
holding a Snake Juice?
250
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:07,469
I'm more of a whiskey man.
251
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,939
Ron-Ron, come here.
252
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,805
Come here for a bit.
You're good right there.
253
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:13,572
Listen, you got to jump
on the Tommy Town Express.
254
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:15,273
This guy has some
of the best investment ideas
255
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,747
I've ever heard in my life.
256
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:19,114
Make a baby
tuxedo clothing line.
257
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,745
A department store
with a guest list.
258
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,755
White fur ear muffs
for men.
259
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:27,053
A new brand of
bottled water called H2-Ho.
260
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:29,851
Contact lenses that
display text messages.
261
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:32,295
Invent a phone
that smells good.
262
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,629
Own a night club
called Eclipse
263
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:38,431
that's only open for one
hour two times a year.
264
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:41,166
Cover charge, $5,000.
265
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,675
I can keep going.
266
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,040
How about this, Ron?
267
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,203
Try Snake Juice.
268
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,909
If you like it, you got
to talk it up all night.
269
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:52,314
If you don't, I'll
shave Jean-Ralphio's head.
270
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,945
Yeah, I'd like to see that.
Hit me.
271
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,683
A lot riding on this.
272
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,318
Damn, if that
isn't delicious.
273
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,799
"R" to the "O" to the "N"...
274
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:11,394
I say Swanson's got swagger
the size of a Big Ben clock
275
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:12,897
Dude, you got to
end it on the rhyme.
276
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:14,234
I know what I have to do.
You had it at "Ben."
277
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:15,295
I know. I got it.
278
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:18,675
You think I haven't
been around the world?
279
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,975
I've been everywhere, darling.
I'm a very wealthy woman.
280
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,982
My husband's kept me
in the finest clothes
281
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:26,050
from Bergdorf Goodman,
you see.
282
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,813
Freeze! FBI!
283
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,616
No! Leave me alone!
284
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,849
Hands in the air!
285
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:32,184
I didn't kill anybody!
286
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,385
And I didn't burn down the mill either.
My sister did.
287
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,927
But now she's
been eaten by wolves!
288
00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:39,491
Nothing to see here.
289
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,131
So how did
you two meet?
290
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,327
We met at
the supermarket.
291
00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:45,199
I used my classic
pickup line.
292
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,569
"If you're looking for douches,
they're in Aisle Me."
293
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,173
Awesome.
Yeah.
294
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,233
Oh, hey, by the way,
I don't think I can get that book back
295
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:53,710
from what's -his-name.
296
00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:55,004
Oh, that's okay.
297
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,742
I mean, I should've
known better
298
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,579
than to loan something
to one of your boyfriends.
299
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,084
They come
and go so fast.
300
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:02,120
What are you
saying exactly?
301
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,748
Well, I mean, let's be honest.
How long is it gonna last with this guy?
302
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:05,813
Sitting right here.
303
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,291
I don't know.
He's dumb, but he's fun.
304
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,486
Thank you.
305
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,223
I mean,
that's the whole point of dating around
306
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,787
is you get to try on
a bunch of different hats.
307
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:14,696
Well, this hat is
an idiot.
308
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,290
Classic.
309
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,869
Leslie, are you mad that I came here?
310
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,496
What? No.
311
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,837
I'm not... Are you...
You seem mad at me.
312
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,034
No, I'm not...
I'm not mad at you.
313
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,702
I'm not mad at you.
I'm not mad at all.
314
00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:26,836
Neither am I.
No.
315
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:30,843
Looks like you two
need to kiss and make up.
316
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,543
All right.
317
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,551
Hello. My name is
Ron Swanson.
318
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:38,748
In general, I try
never to speak with people,
319
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:41,054
but I have been drinking
this Snake Juice thing,
320
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:42,355
and it's damn good.
321
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,759
You should buy it.
322
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,456
Yeah, okay. Thanks, man.
323
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,256
Son, you should know
that my recommendation
324
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,199
is essentially a guarantee.
325
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,066
Drink this, now.
326
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,267
Traegermeister!
You made it.
327
00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:00,576
Yeah, I got your email.
We need to talk.
328
00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:03,939
First off, though,
try a little Snake Juice.
329
00:13:04,016 --> 00:13:07,383
It's 140 proof,
which means it's 70% alcohol.
330
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,921
But don't worry. There's plenty of
caffeine in it to keep you awake.
331
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:12,822
I believe an ounce of that
would literally kill me.
332
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:16,622
You emailed
everyone at City Hall
333
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:18,595
and told them
to come to a club
334
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:21,929
that you own to buy alcohol
that you invented.
335
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:24,868
Government employees
can't use their power
336
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:26,461
to enhance their
personal wealth.
337
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,297
I totally get your point, Chris.
It won't happen again.
338
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,272
I just don't see
any way around it.
339
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:33,368
You're gonna have to sell
your shares in the Snakehole.
340
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:34,605
No!
341
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,545
T-Pain,
this guy bothering you?
342
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:38,378
This is my boss.
Okay, yeah.
343
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,644
You want me to write
a rap about your name?
344
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:40,742
Yes.
345
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,879
"B" to the
"O" to the double "S,"
346
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:45,753
do what he say,
and you'll be successful
347
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,421
No offense, but maybe
you think I'm going too fast
348
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:50,860
'cause you're going
too slow with Ben.
349
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,490
No offense, but I'm going slow
because I might lose my job.
350
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,034
Okay, no offense, but maybe
that's a little bit of an excuse
351
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,227
for not acting
on your feelings.
352
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:58,702
No offense,
but I don't remember you having
353
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,170
a nursing degree
in feelings.
354
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:01,939
Offense! That's rude.
355
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,133
I'm gonna go dance.
356
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,504
Douche, you're up.
357
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:09,174
Hey, are you okay?
I heard yelling.
358
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:11,011
Yeah, I'm very angry,
and I'm really drunk.
359
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,278
Do you want to dance with me?
Go get me another "Snork Juice."
360
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,116
That's maybe not
the best idea for you.
361
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,746
Forget it. Jean-Ralphio!
362
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:18,983
Yes, I'm here.
Dance up on me.
363
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:20,685
Yes, yes, yes.
364
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,158
How's it going with her?
365
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:35,502
Um, well, nothing's going
at all, really, because...
366
00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:39,702
I don't know.
I feel like I just did something wrong.
367
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:41,646
She doesn't seem to
want to talk to me.
368
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,739
You should try role-play.
That's what me and April do.
369
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:45,639
That explains the outfit.
370
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,652
Yeah, you gotta dream up
some weird scenario
371
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,019
like you're her boss and sex is
forbidden because she works for you.
372
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,086
That is our
actual situation.
373
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,822
And she's addicted
to spanking.
374
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:01,094
Okay. Thanks,
we got it. We're good.
375
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:05,096
If you're worried about working
with Chris, it doesn't matter.
376
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,798
He's fine with it.
He said it wouldn't be weird.
377
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,432
You talked to Chris
before you talked to me?
378
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:11,971
Excuse me!
379
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,712
This is my first fight with Ann,
and it's a doozy.
380
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:18,045
But I believe that honest
discussions between friends
381
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:19,379
can lead to deeper intimacy.
382
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,585
This is a watershed moment
in our relationship,
383
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,246
and it's important
that we fight clean.
384
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:27,181
All I need to do is
focus and stay calm.
385
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,318
You're stupid,
and you're drunk and you're stupid.
386
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:33,662
I don't understand
how this is my fault.
387
00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:36,132
It's not... Everything isn't
your fault all the time.
388
00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:37,793
Don't always make
everything your fault.
389
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:41,169
Good! It's not all my fault.
I'm not the stupid jerk.
390
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,832
I'm not the one who's being
a stupid jerk right now.
391
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:45,069
I didn't mean it like that.
You know I didn't mean it like that.
392
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:46,236
I just meant you
were being stupid,
393
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:47,504
and you were
acting like a jerk.
394
00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:50,548
Look, I'm sorry that I thought
about you for the job, okay?
395
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,914
But sometimes if I don't push
you in the right direction,
396
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:54,748
you end up
standing still.
397
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,219
I was just trying
to do you a favor.
398
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:59,257
Enough with
your favors, okay?
399
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,519
Stop.
400
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:07,561
Maybe we shouldn't
work together, then.
401
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,396
Maybe we shouldn't.
402
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,265
Every time I cleanse,
403
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,400
I can literally feel
the toxins leaving my body.
404
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,808
I know!
I feel so much healthier.
405
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:22,540
I've still got a full week
to go before the broth stage.
406
00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:23,603
Mmm.
407
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:27,379
Pre-broth is an amazing stage.
It's when you're most alert.
408
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,944
Good. Someone needs
to be alert tonight.
409
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:33,247
This Snake Juice is
basically rat poison.
410
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:34,451
Everybody's wasted.
411
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:37,017
You don't even know one thing.
I didn't even say one thing.
412
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:39,758
And then she asked me the whole thing,
and I didn't even do it once.
413
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,857
I'm like an elephant, okay?
414
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:45,097
If I walk into a room,
it's like, okay, he's in there.
415
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:49,871
I'm gonna tell you,
that bitch over there...
416
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:53,209
I'm gonna tell...
I don't have to...
417
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:56,075
Bababooey.
418
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,349
Turn this music down.
419
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,650
Farts and poop
and love and stuff
420
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,755
Macaroni salad
421
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:27,669
Is this everybody?
422
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:28,871
Ann took a cab.
423
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:31,279
Tom's in the trunk.
Jerry's on the roof.
424
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,443
All right,
where to first?
425
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,248
Your mother's butt.
426
00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:39,079
I'm so alone.
427
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,193
If even one of you thinks
about dry-heaving in my car,
428
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:43,387
you're all walking home.
429
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:48,792
Leslie.
430
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,596
I'm here.
431
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:55,296
We have to go hire a new PR
Director for the Health Department.
432
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,470
Oh, my God.
I'm so hung over.
433
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:58,805
I've never been
this hung over.
434
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:00,634
Are we dead?
435
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:03,074
I feel great.
I ran five k this morning.
436
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,137
Really?
437
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:06,207
No, I threw up
in the shower.
438
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:08,549
Top of the morning,
everyone.
439
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,485
I brought some
burgers and fries.
440
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,116
Eat up.
441
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,490
The protein
soaks up the sugar.
442
00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:19,988
First,
you take the cow to the killing floor...
443
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,796
Well, I am
out of questions.
444
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,202
Thank you.
We will let you know.
445
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,538
Then our heads will explode,
and we will die.
446
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,973
Oh, God.
447
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,468
I cannot believe that
fight I had with Ann.
448
00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:35,775
Look, I'm sure you
guys can work it out.
449
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,544
I owe her, like,
a million apologies.
450
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:41,084
I think I owe
you one, too.
451
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,183
I'm sorry.
For what?
452
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:45,746
I don't know.
453
00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:48,017
Are you okay?
454
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,958
No, I'm sad.
455
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,804
Say, thanks, chum.
Ugh.
456
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,431
I'll get those papers
delivered for you.
457
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:03,873
Whatever.
458
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,576
Post-haste.
459
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:10,040
The doctor says it's probably
not serious, but it might be.
460
00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:12,447
Oh, Kyle,
please stop talking.
461
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:16,177
Ring-a-ding-ding.
Who's calling?
462
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:19,485
Oh, is it Janet Snakehole? Why, yes
it is. And who's she calling for?
463
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,923
Mr. Bert Macklin,
and I'll tell you another thing...
464
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,126
Going down thing...
Going down the thing.
465
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:28,792
And there you go, you're going real
fast now. And who's this sorry charlie?
466
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,198
This sack of potatoes?
467
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,829
Honey, please.
I love you. No offense,
468
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:35,700
but Bert Macklin
died last night
469
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:37,708
after the tenth
shot of Snake Juice.
470
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,906
Okay, sorry.
471
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,078
Miss Snakehole.
472
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,246
You think I'd let you
get away that easily?
473
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:54,392
Bert Macklin may be dead,
but I'm his brother
474
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,393
Kip Hackman.
475
00:19:58,096 --> 00:19:59,927
Why wouldn't you
have his same last name?
476
00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:01,522
Shut up, Kyle.
477
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,360
I know you boosted
those paintings.
478
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:07,701
Maybe it was me,
but I'll never tell you where they are.
479
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:09,866
And you'll never
have my body either.
480
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:16,508
T, you don't even have to
worry about a thing. Why?
481
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:18,709
Because I'm gonna keep those
shares real tight for you.
482
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,581
Real nice and cozy-like.
483
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:24,117
Sorry to hear the news, Tom.
We're gonna miss you around the club.
484
00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:26,714
Hey, you own shares, too.
Why didn't Chris make you sell?
485
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,817
'Cause Chris doesn't know.
486
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,259
You know what?
487
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,763
Snitches get stitches.
488
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:34,799
Donna, come on.
Don't.
489
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:38,030
I'm a natural moneymaker.
490
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,230
I got into government
for the connections.
491
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,705
This was supposed to be a thing
that led to the other thing.
492
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:44,207
It's like when
Vin did Boiler Room.
493
00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:45,937
That's what led to him
being xXx and doing Furious.
494
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:47,137
And Furious. Yeah, I know.
495
00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:48,941
Listen, I don't like
all this negativity, man.
496
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:52,313
Why don't you turn that
"frizz-own" "upside-dizzity." Huh?
497
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,049
This sucks, man.
498
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:00,882
You're wearing
snow pants.
499
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:04,156
I got home last night,
and I thought I might go sledding.
500
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:07,589
Can I come in?
501
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,634
Yeah, if you're quiet.
Okay.
502
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:13,803
Leslie doesn't know
I'm here.
503
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:17,103
Oh, God. So high school.
504
00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:19,803
I can't believe that Leslie
and I got drunk in a bar
505
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:21,243
and fought about boys.
506
00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:22,871
We're so much
better than that.
507
00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:25,844
I just keep having
flashes of things
508
00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:28,112
that we said to each other.
509
00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:30,211
And she's so
important to me.
510
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,154
I acted like such a dick.
511
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,691
I don't know
you that well,
512
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:36,091
but you're clearly very
important to Leslie
513
00:21:36,161 --> 00:21:38,561
and that must mean
you're a pretty great person.
514
00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:40,622
I know she feels awful.
515
00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:43,259
I mean,
technically, we all do.
516
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:47,328
Yeah. What the hell is
in Snake Juice, Demerol?
517
00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:49,306
All I know is
Leslie's always talking
518
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:52,275
about how lucky she is
to have you as a friend.
519
00:21:52,344 --> 00:21:56,178
And I just wanted
you to know that.
520
00:21:57,516 --> 00:21:59,416
You're nice.
521
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:01,042
I can see why
she likes you.
522
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,848
When did she say...
Likes me?
523
00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:05,719
Oh, God.
This is so high school.
524
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:09,056
Just rent a limo,
ask her to the prom.
525
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:10,719
I'm sure she'll say yes.
526
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:12,388
All right. Thanks.
527
00:22:12,464 --> 00:22:14,159
So let me
get this straight.
528
00:22:14,232 --> 00:22:18,225
Tom tries to get off the
government teat, and we punish him.
529
00:22:18,537 --> 00:22:20,027
That doesn't make any sense to me.
530
00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:22,498
I'm sorry.
Rules are rules.
531
00:22:22,574 --> 00:22:24,474
I wish there was
something we could do.
532
00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:26,511
Ben, is there
something we can do?
533
00:22:26,578 --> 00:22:27,977
Damn it. Ben's not here.
534
00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:29,741
Tom's not
scamming anyone.
535
00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:32,648
He's not savvy enough to
manipulate the system like that.
536
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:35,312
He's just a kid
chasing a goofy dream.
537
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,454
I'm sorry.
My hands are tied.
538
00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:41,924
Jan Cooper was
a terrible wife.
539
00:22:41,993 --> 00:22:44,154
I just want
everybody to know that.
540
00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:45,787
Thank you, Dennis.
541
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:48,162
But we can't give
you your job back.
542
00:22:48,233 --> 00:22:50,224
You sound just like her.
543
00:22:51,136 --> 00:22:52,694
That was unpleasant.
Yeah.
544
00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,636
All right, who's next?
545
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,064
You came.
546
00:22:56,908 --> 00:22:58,569
Yeah,
I had some encouragement.
547
00:22:59,978 --> 00:23:01,775
Your sweater's
on inside out.
548
00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:04,339
And backwards.
549
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:05,678
It's been a tough morning.
550
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:08,515
Lots of regret and shame.
551
00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:11,715
That should be the official
slogan for Snake Juice.
552
00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:14,782
Well, this
committee would like to ask
553
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,886
if you are the kind of candidate
who could forgive someone
554
00:23:17,963 --> 00:23:19,954
after they've behaved
like a complete jackass?
555
00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:22,524
This candidate could,
556
00:23:22,601 --> 00:23:24,569
especially
because this candidate
557
00:23:24,636 --> 00:23:27,469
also behaved like
a total jackass.
558
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:29,700
Please, don't worry about it.
The committee totally understands.
559
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:35,445
Also, I can talk about my
qualifications for this position.
560
00:23:35,514 --> 00:23:38,950
But first, I am gonna go
throw up in a wastebasket.
561
00:23:39,951 --> 00:23:42,442
Would you mind if I joined you?
Not at all.
562
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:43,510
Shall we?
563
00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:49,093
Ann came in the next day and
had a second interview with Chris.
564
00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:50,185
Great.
565
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,286
She nailed it, of course.
566
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,228
But she doesn't want to
totally leave her job.
567
00:23:53,298 --> 00:23:54,856
So they struck up a deal.
568
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:57,094
She works at
City Hall part-time,
569
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,137
and two days a week,
she still gets to be
570
00:23:59,204 --> 00:24:00,398
the greatest
nurse in the world.
571
00:24:00,872 --> 00:24:01,930
Win-win.
572
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:04,237
We need to remember
what's important in life.
573
00:24:05,410 --> 00:24:07,708
Friends, waffles, and work.
574
00:24:08,513 --> 00:24:10,947
Or waffles, friends, work.
It doesn't matter.
575
00:24:11,016 --> 00:24:12,244
But work is third.
576
00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,081
So listen,
Crazy Ira, check this out, okay?
577
00:24:15,153 --> 00:24:18,554
I'm at this club last night just
killing it, the Snakehole Lounge.
578
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:21,421
Oh, yeah,
is that a gay club?
579
00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:23,154
Hello?
580
00:24:23,228 --> 00:24:25,025
Shut up, ass.
Come on, man.
581
00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:30,466
So I'm dancing on the floor
with this super-hot chick.
582
00:24:30,602 --> 00:24:32,126
Me so horny.
583
00:24:32,270 --> 00:24:33,703
More like a dude, I bet.
584
00:24:33,772 --> 00:24:34,796
Hello?
585
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:37,771
Did you wet your whistle?
586
00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:39,939
- I wish.
- Me likey.
587
00:24:40,011 --> 00:24:42,878
No, no, no, no. She spent
the whole night talking to her friend,
588
00:24:42,948 --> 00:24:44,472
arguing about
their feelings.
589
00:24:44,549 --> 00:24:45,538
That's me!
590
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,584
Who knows?
She's probably a lesbian.
591
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:50,644
They were in
the bathroom a long time.